Thursday, March 18, 2010

Taco Bell Pacific Shrimp Taco = FAIL.

Day after St. Patrick's day. I'm slightly hung over, not too bad, but it's definitely a fast food day. Bombarded my guts with greasy pseudo-food, more calories than Kate Bosworth eats in a month, and I'm horrified at myself. This is why I'm fat. Oh well, it makes me feel immediately better (most of the time, more on that to come) so screw it.

Sean and I have been talking about the new shrimp taco at Taco Bell since its inception. Who on earth would get shrimp at Taco Bell. That's just poor self-preservation. My stomach is weird with shrimp anyway. I love the stuff but it often makes me hurl. Not sure if it's an allergy or if I just am very sensitive to shrimp-bourne bacteria, but since I am an idiot, I keep eating it. What, it's delicious!

So, here's the first e-mail I sent to my husband this morning.

"I think I'm going to try the shrimp taco today, I'm carrying around enough self-loathing today to give it a shot."

Sean replied:

"Hehehehe, DO IT!!!!! (That was Rorshack's [from Watchmen-S] voice)"

Screw it, it's only food, right? I'm close enough to a hospital at my office that somebody would be able to rush me to the ER before I died.

So I bought it, made a run for the border. And here are my observations.

(from my e-mail to Sean)

"I am eating it now.

It was three fucking dollars! This is not a three fucking dollar taco! There is not three fucking dollars worth of shit in this taco!

First thing--my taco bell order made my car stink. That rarely happens so I'm blaming the shrimp."

"The shrimp scared me a little bit, so as a knee-jerk reaction, I doused the taco in fire sauce and pico de gallo. They gave me a metric ass ton of pico de gallo...ok. Admittedly, I am hung over, but I don't have any vision problems nor do I routinely hallucinate, so I don't know if this is me or some heretofore undiscovered bacteria growing on my food, but it looks like the food is in soft focus. It's freaking me out. Like the tomatoes in the pico look kind of matte. So does the shrimp."

"I suppose it tastes ok. Mostly it just tastes like Taco Bell lettuce in a sea of fire sauce and ranch. It's not terrible, but it's not worth $3.00.

Ok, back to the price. I find it oddly...what's the word I'm looking for here. Not 'satisfying'... I guess reassuring. I find it oddly reassuring that the taco costs so damn much because shrimp is expensive, and if it were any cheaper I'd proabably be worshipping the porcelan god. But who knows, I only ate it 5 minutes ago, I could still hurl.

I predict that in the annals of fast food, this will go down as a bomb. The only issue I currently have with that taco is the price ($3.00!!!!!!!) but it just *feels* wrong. Whoever in Taco Bell's marketing department that suggested this should be fired. Of course I had to try it, and I'm glad I did, but still. Bleah."

It's been about an hour since I consumed the weirdest taco ever...really, it was just weird...and my stomach is not pleased with me. Do yourself a favor, save yourself three dollars, and stay far away from the Taco Bell Pacific Shrimp Taco.

Ugh, my stomach is really, really unhappy right now. Oh God...

1 comment:

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